Letting Go of Self Interest and Self Importance

Although we have been made to believe that if we let go we will end up with nothing, life reveals just the opposite: that letting go is the real path to freedom. Sogyal Rinpoche

I hold so tightly to my idea of my SELF: who I am , what I know, what I believe. I am locked into the perception that I am a 59 year old woman. Is that really who I am? I read books on spirituality, I chant Sanskrit chants, I meditate, I do Hatha yoga. Do these practices help to free me of my delusions, or do they create their own attachments? Who am I really?

Accept being unimportant.
Do not be concerned with loss or gain. Lao Tsu

I want to become unimportant, but my ego gets in the way. I am sensitive to criticism. I fear loss, change, death. I don't want to be alone, but no one else lives inside my skin.

Another way of looking at this is letting go of self-pity. Don Juan (Carlos Castaneda's teacher) said this was essential for a warrior. He said we are all misled by our self-pity, which keeps us stuck in our small point of view.

It all comes down to letting go, surroundering our will to a greater will. Letting go and letting God. The ultimate leap of faith. Can I do it? Can you?

An Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude is the intention to count your blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances. (Timothy Miller) Trying to maintain an attitude of gratitude is very hard for me. I start out all sparkly and loving and full of thanks, but gradually I sink down into old resentments and self-pity. Why should I be so grateful? Don't I deserve more? More abundance? More fame? More success? More pats on the back?

What do rich and famous people have that I don't have, besides money and fame? Why can't I just snap my fingers and have all that I need, all that I truly deserve?

Is it possible to feel blessed and resentful at the same time? I think so. Perhaps it is higher self and lower self battling it out. My ego says I deserve more, but my inner self says I have all that I need right now to be a fully enlightened being.

Let go, let it go, let it be, let me be. Enough of the ruminations and self pity. Life is good and I am perfect just the way I am and I am good and I am life and I am grateful for each breath I take.

This is the battle of my life. I hope this new year will see me become the truly powerful, loving, grateful being that I know I can be. Medicine Woman. Om Shanti.