Children Need To Feel Safe

Last year my granddaughter, Crystal, went to Kindergarten. Her first day at school was also her first soccer practice, which took place a few hours later at the school's playground. She was already on sensory - or new people and place - overload when we walked across the street from my house to the school to meet her coach and her team mates.

Most of the other girls were taking this first practice in stride, playing on the grass or playground equipment and happily waiting for the instruction to begin. The coach and his assitant each had a little girl on the team. They started the girls playing a chase game and generally gettiing to know each other. Gradually they stared giving some rudimentary instruction.

The orther girls listened and responded to what the coach told them to do. But Crystal kept looking over at me and her mother and waving, as she jumped up and down and shot her hands into the air above her head. The coach noticed this jumping behavior and tried to engage Crystal's attention, but she could not listen to him at all. She had no idea what she was supposed to do or where she was supposed to go. She looked happy enough - for a jumping bean.

I particularly noted the way her hands shot into the air above her head, fingers splayed open, as if she was a conduit for some sort of electric charge. I had observed this behavior before when she was excited about something and wanted to get my attention, but never to this extreme. Later I shared this behavior with my cousin, Marcia, who is a Healing Touch Therapist. She told me that Crystal needed to know she was safe; that when she displayed this behavior she was trying to discharge the extra energy coursing through her body caused by the fear of a new situation and the inability to manage and control her world.

The other girls seemed more at peace with this situation, more able to take in the instruction and practice the new skills being taught. I realized that Crystal was just too overwhelmed to take in anything the coach said and that was ok. I had to struggle with my own need to have her be like everyone else, instead of the unique and special and sensitive child that she was.

My cousin taught me to say directly to Crystal or send her the message telepathically: "You are safe. I will keep you safe. I am here to help and support you." Now I offer that kind of loving support whenever I think of my grandchildren, whether they are with me or at home with their parents.

Recently I went to the park with Crystal. She would run around and play on the slide or climbing apparatus, then come running over to stand in front of me. "You are safe," I told her. "I will keep you safe." Then off she would run to play again.

You can read more of Saralee Sky's articles about parenting in her online newsletter, Nutsense, on her web site: http://www.babynut.com/.

How to Gift Your Children or Grandchildren

I was listening to NPR Weekend Edition Saturday and I heard the saxophonist, Joshua Redman, playing some songs and talking about his father, tenor saxophinist, Dewey Redman. Dewey came to play at a recent recording session with Joshua. When they were done, Dewey asked to play a song on his own, without Joshua. Since it was Joshua's album, it was a strange request. But Joshua said OK and left to get some coffee. When he returneed, his father was done. It only took one take and the name of the song was "GJ".

Joshua and his wife had recently had a baby, and this song was a gift to Dewey's grandson, Jaden. Dewey died shortly after the recording. This beautiful, soulful song will be a lasting legacy to his grandson. Jaden will grow up without knowing his grandfather, but he will have this very special gift, this song, written and performed just for him by this great Jazz musician.

After listening to this report, I started thinking about gifts we give to our children and our grandchildren. We want to be sure they have the best clothes, toys, books, furniture. Maybe one special toy or one special book will remain with them as they grow, but mostly they will grow out of the things we give them, unless we truly give them something of ourselves.

Who are you? What is special about you? What do you love to do? Believe in? Support? What kind of gift can you give to your children or grandchildren that says: "This is me. This is how I feel about you. This is what I want you to remember about me."?

Perhaps it will be a handmade quilt or doll house, a story you write, a picture you paint, a special memento from your own parents you pass on, a camping trip, an afternoon spent fishing, a walk in the woods. Whatever it is, I urge you to think about what you want your children to know about you or your grandchildren to remember about you. Give them gifts that tell them something about who you are, what you know, what you love.

Give them memories in the here and now. Today may be all we ever "have", but our todays are built upon the days that came before.

Read more of Saralee Sky's articles in Nutsense, her online newsletter devoted to parenting and located on her web site: www.babynut.com.