The Tale of the Queen-size Bed Frame by Saralee Sky

OK, so we are hosting a B&B in our home. We decided to try it after the grad student moved out of our studio apartment. We furnished the apartment with furniture from our house to start: we used an antique desk and modern desk lamp from my office, a wrought iron double bed from our guest room with pillows and sheets and blankets, some lamps and a wicker mirror and wicker table also from our guest room, a wicker chair and ottoman from our living room. A bookcase and eating bar with stools were already in the apartment. We took pictures/wall hangings from all over the house, including the boxes in our garage. Then I went to Goodwill and got kitchen items - dishes and pots and pans and utensils. We took towels we already had and Voila! we had an Adorable Furnished Studio Apartment.
We listed the apartment with www.airbnb.com and cross-listed on Craigslist/vacation rentals in Bellingham. Airbnb enabled us to take credit cards and eliminated the spam that came from listing on Craigslist. You know, messages like: 'I prefer not to use a credit card. How about if I send you some money via Western Union? Ooops I sent you too much money! Just deposit the money in your own account and send me back the extra.' THOSE kinds of messages.
Anyway everything was proceeding along nicely until someone sent me an inquiry and asked if the bed was a double or a queen. It's a double, I replied. Oh, I really do not like doubles, they wrote back. I would rent your apartment if only you had a queen-size bed. Hmmmm, I wondered. Were there other people who looked at my pictures, noticed we had only a double bed and decided to take a pass?
We decided to buy a queen-size bed and return the double to our guest room. After all, we didn't want family and friends (read: non-paying guests) sleeping on the floor when they visited. I started looking at Craigslist ads that had pictures. I was willing to buy a used set as long as the mattress and box spring were relatively new and very clean-looking.
I found a few but they were sold by the time I noticed them and sent an inquiry. Pickings were slim for some reason. Then I found an ad/set I liked and emailed the guy who placed the ad. He still had it and would even deliver within the Bellingham city limits for an additional $10. That meant us. We went to see the mattress set and discovered that he had no metal frame. I was SURE he said he had one in the ad.
"No," he said, "I never said that." It must have been the other ads I perused.
"You can always get one at Goodwill for $10 or so," he said. Sure, I thought, how hard could it be? Answer: VERY hard, but I'll get to that later.
We paid the guy and he threw in the delivery for free. He and Jer loaded the set into his truck and we drove in caravan back to our house. We stored the set in our garage until we got a metal frame.
I heard again from the woman who only wanted a queen-size bed. We've decided we can squeeze into a double for a few days, she wrote. They booked the studio for a few weeks hence.
I was able to respond and say, Guess what? You won't need to squeeze into a double. We will have a queen-size bed ready for you by the time you arrive. Right? Maybe not.
I started perusing Craigslist looking for a metal frame for a queen-size bed, but could only find them attached to a mattress and box-spring. All of a sudden there was a plethora ('Would you say I had a plethora of pinatas?') of queen-size mattresses with and without box-springs and all with metal frames. All, that is, but the set in our garage. I emailed the people selling the bed sets and told them if they still had the metal frame left after their mattress and box spring were sold, I would take it off their hands. Never heard from any of them of course. Who buys a used mattress and box spring without the metal frame? No one, if you do not count us.
I started calling Goodwill, Salvation Army and Value Village.

Goodwill: "We don't have any used ones in, but we'll sell you a brand new metal frame for $49.95." What were they doing selling new stuff? No thanks! $50! Pshaw!
Salvation Army: "We don't have any in stock, but if we did they would be $14.95." OK.

Value Village: "We only have twins and double frames in but if we did have a queen-size one it would be $9.95. Keep calling." OK, I will.
And I did. I called them all every day. I made friends with the guy from Value Village. Kevin. He actually took pity on me and promised to call me when a queen-size frame showed up. While I liked Kevin fine as a phone buddy, I just didn't trust that he would actually call, so I kept calling him, or anyone else at Value Village who would answer the phone, then find someone to go and look. During one call the guy who answered said, "Yes! We DO have one. Better hurry!"
Jer and I jumped into the car and drove all the way across town to Value Village. We live in the SW corner of Bellingham and Value Village is in the NE corner. No matter; we were saving money, right? We got there and it was NOT a queen-size frame. It was a double. The guy I talked to was wrong. He wasn't Kevin. He just didn't know. Sigh.
A few days later we were in Seattle at a baby shower for my son and daughter-in-law and I got a call from Kevin!
"Hi Kevin! Good to hear your voice. Have you got a queen-size metal frame?"
"Yes I do!"
"Wow! How cool is that? Only one problem, we're in Seattle. How long can you hold it?"
"One hour." Shit! We were 2 hours away and were not even driving our car.
"We'll just have to come in on Monday and hope you still have it."
"OK. Good luck." Yeah.
Monday morning Jer and I headed off bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to Value Village. At last! We ran over to the metal frame bin. We knew just where it was, in the far-back corner of the store buy the used pictures and other furniture type things. Could Kevin have been wrong? He wasn't there of course. Could it have sold? The only frames we could find were for double beds.
"OK, that's it," said Jer. "We're buying a double frame. Then we'll go over to Hardware Sales and buy some angle iron." (Whatever the hell that is.)" I'll drill holes in it and it will act as an extension to the double frame, making it big enough for a queen. I'll bolt it together. It'll work fine." How hard could it be? Don't ask.
We bought the double metal frame and even had a coupon reducing the $9.95 cost by $3 to $6.95. Let's not add in our time or the gas to drive there twice or anything, OK?
Next stop, Hardware Sales. Amazing, angle iron actually exists and in many sizes. Jer picked out a 6 foot piece and we bought it: $20 give or take. Then we went into another building where they cut metal and did other cool stuff and they cut the piece in half for us, sparks flying. Angle iron is apparently not made of iron, but steel, bent in a 90 degree shape or angle.
Back home we go, where Jer proceeds to drill holes in the angle iron, ruining one of his drill bits. He fastened the pieces to the top and bottom bars of the frame and Voila! (yes, again) we had a queen-size metal frame. Just in time for the couple who so wanted a queen-size bed. They were arriving the very next day.
We assembled the bed, dressed it all up with new sheets and a blanket and a comforter/spread we already had and we were ready for our guests. We were out almost $30 for the frame, and lots of time and effort, but still we did NOT have to buy a new one so we were ahead, right? Wait.
The couple arrived and spent two days in the studio. When they checked out on Sunday morning, the woman mentioned, "Oh, the frame broke last night while we were sleeping."
"Really? That's awful! Why didn't you call us?"
"Oh, my husband put some phone books under the end that broke and that held it up for the rest of the night. Just thought you should know."
I was wondering why I put two phone books in the desk drawer. As my friend Cathy later said, "It must have been foresight!"
Back to Craigslist, bloodied but not bowed. I found a queen-size mattress for sale with a metal frame with - wait for it - a wooden headboard! Be still my heart. I emailed the guy and said I only wanted the frame and headboard. I would pay him $20 and come get it. He lived about 30 miles away in Birch Bay. I gave him my phone number. He called and said if he couldn't sell it as a unit he would call me back the next day. He called! He decided to donate the mattress to Goodwill and sell us the frame and headboard. Yes!
We decided to make a day of it and go to the beach with our grandson after we got the frame (and headboard). We really liked the guy. Until recently he and his wife had lived aboard their sailboat. He was busy fixing up the tiny house they bought and she was busy buying up every sort of plant and tree. Guess they were enjoying being earth-bound for a change.
And here the saga ends. We are out ~$50 total. Yep. The same amount a brand new metal frame costs at Goodwill. But we had adventures along the way and now this article. Priceless, right? Maybe not.

A Path with Heart by Saralee Sky

Well, I started my new job as executive director of the Alzheimer Society of Washington on Tuesday - and quit 20 minutes after I walked in the door. Yes, it is probably some sort of record. I really do not know how to tell you what happened exactly, but this is the gist: the current director is just not ready to leave.

This Society was her creation, her baby for 30 years and she has not taken a penny for all of her efforts. I was hired to "take the Society to the next level;" to make the whole operation more professional, to reach more people, especially Baby Boomers, to raise more money - you get the picture.

The whole process of being hired - for a small stipend not a salary - was full of fits and starts. It was clear the board and director hoped I would basically volunteer my time rather than be paid for much of it. I refused to view this position as anything but a job, one which I would give my all, but be paid in kind, eventually if not right away.

When I arrived on Tuesday, it was clear I was not welcome. The current director had gone against her agreement with the Board and decided to stay for another 90 days. The office manager was openly hostile and rude and refused to acknowledge me as having authority over her in any way. She even refused my offer to "work together as a team in mutual respect".

I walked out of the office after being told to leave and return at 3:00 PM for the Board meeting and I knew I would never return. I have not. I called the Board president and told him what happened and said, "I am so sorry, but I cannot work here under these conditions." He was quite distraught and said he was planning to resign himself.

I had a good cry and have been processing all the emotions of the situation. The amount of rage shown me by the office manager was the hardest part to grok. I am still cleansing myself from her fury. I am so disappointed to have been attacked by two women, women who I respected for fighting the good fight. Was I a threat to them? Did I represent too much change?

I don't know. I only know that my heart has been wounded and I must take care to heal from this wound. To learn from it and go on with greater awareness and compassion for those who are closed and threatened by the Power of Yin and all the healing it will bring to this world. This path clearly had no heart for me.

And what is a path with heart? One which has integrity and does no harm. One which leaves the world a slightly better place. One which offers love and light, healing and support for all who walk it, all who cross it. I will find my new path with heart, one that will replace Babynut in my life, but not with the Alzheimer Society.

When the Wisdom of the Grandmothers is heard, the World, (and I) will heal.

***Note: The above events occurred on Tuesday, April 13th. On Friday, April 16th, flowers were delivered to me from the board president with this note: "Wishing you the very best and please accept our apologies for the treatment you received from A.S.W."

In a Nutshell - 38: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. (Joseph Campbell)



• When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. (Regina Brett)



• Early childhood is the most important part of life. It informs all that we do thereafter. (Mister Rogers)



• Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present. (Regina Brett)



• Envy is the art of counting another’s blessings instead of your own. (Harold Coffin)



• When I count my blessings, I count you twice. (Irish Proverb)



• We plant seeds that will flower as results in our lives, so best to remove the weeds of anger, avarice, envy and doubt, that peace and abundance may manifest for all. (Dorothy Day)



• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. (Unknown)



• Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart." (Unknown)



• In the dew of little things, the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. (Kahlil Gibran)



• When I count my blessings, I count you twice. (Irish Proverb) :)

In a Nutshell - 37: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. (Angela Schwindt)



• When the wisdom of the Grandmothers is heard, the world will heal. (Native American Prophecy)



• Atheism is a non-prophet organization. (Unknown)



• One of the most essential ways of saying “I love you” is by careful listening – listening with the “ear of the heart.” (Mr. Rogers)



• Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects. (Unknown)



• I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. (Martha Washington)



• Change the story and you change perception; change perception and you change the world. (Jean Houston)



• A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.' (Unknown



• When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. (Audre Lorde)



• There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. (Jack E. Leonard)

The Feminine Power of Yin by Saralee Sky

As I contemplate Babynut's 6th birthday, I feel called to celebrate not only Babynut, but all women and their magical ability to create and nurture life and to give birth. This is the Power of Yin; of nurturing and holding life. It is the power of Shakti, the Feminine Principle.

Here is what Sharon McErlane*, author of Our Love is Our Power has to say about the primal energy of Woman: “Women embody not the yang-based power that is nearly worshipped in our world, but real power. Woman as the container, the wheel, the Mother ship, She who HOLDS. These ideas are foreign in our culture, foreign in our world. For thousands of years woman has been treated as the 'second sex' the 'also ran' of the human family, told to 'stand behind' men and know her place. Woman as shakti, the Feminine Principle, the elemental power of the universe, is not something our culture understands."

To all of the women who read this article, I say, embrace in your power. Visualize yourself as the vessel that you are. Sit in meditation and imagine yourself holding all that you love - your children, your spouse, your family, your friends. Now expand your vessel, your holding, to include the place where you live, all the animals and plants and people in your town, even the people or animals you don't like. Just hold them.

As you get comfortable with this exercise, you can expand your holding to include more and more of the Earth and all that dwell in and upon it. There is no limit to your holding. You are one with the Great Mother.

When a woman holds and contains, she is coming from the foundation of her power, the Power of Yin. Yin is the complementary universal force to Yang, which goes out into the world and is active and strong. But Yang cannot exist without Yin, and for much too long, women have been unaware of their power.

If a woman tries to imitate the Yang way men are powerful in the world, she will be a shadow of her real self. To be powerful, to be the mother that you are, you must learn how to hold, to be a vessel of love and strength and light.

I created Babynut as a way to hold all babies in the womb or newly born, all women pregnant, giving birth or caring for newborns. I believe that the time a child is in the womb and the first few years after birth is the most important time in that child's life. How babies are held in the womb and then birthed and held as they grow strong enough to walk on their own will determine how safe they feel in the world, how much they feel loved and nurtured, and in turn are able to love and nurture themselves and others.

Now is the time for women to own their power. I feel blessed to be living in a time when I can help to heal and rebalance the Earth with the Power of Yin. I am now a grandmother and am in the Autumn of my life. Before it is my time to go, I hope to grow strong with the Power of Yin, with holding. “When the wisdom of the Grandmothers is heard, the world will heal." Native American Prophecy

*To learn more about Sharon McErlane and the wisdom of the Grandmothers, click here.

In a Nutshell - 36: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. (Unknown)
  
  
• Laughter is carbonated holiness. (Anne Lamott)
  
  
• Live in the present. Do the things that need to be done. Do all the good you can each day. The future will unfold. (Peace Pilgrim)
  
  
• Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression. (Haim Ginott)
  
  
• The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and their destination. (John Schaar)
  
  
• Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' (Unknown)
  
  
• Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved. (William Jennings Bryan)
  
  
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. (Unknown)
  
  
• It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny. (Jean Nidetch)

Tend and Befriend NOT Fight or Flight by Saralee Sky

A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research—most of it on men—upside down.

"Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible," explains Laura Cousino Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. "It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers."

Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just "fight or flight."

"In fact," says Dr. Klein, "it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the 'fight or flight' response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead." When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.

"This calming response does not occur in men," says Dr. Klein, "because testosterone—which men produce in high levels when they're under stress—seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen seems to enhance it."

This information makes so much sense to me! I have on occasion been ready to do battle to defend or protect my children, but my more consistent reaction to a stressful situation is to step back from it if it is dangerous, or calmly try to resolve the issue - talk it out. When I am unable to deal with the situation directly, I will pay attention to other people - my children or grandchildren, baking cookies or caring for them in some other way. I will also start cleaning and attending to minute details to try and manage the overwhelming feelings the stress is causing. I always figured something was WRONG with me when actually I am simply responding the way women are wired to respond.

The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in a classic 'AHA' moment shared by two women scientists who were talking one day in a lab at UCLA. "There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee, and bonded," says Dr. Klein. "When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own."

Going to friends for succor and support is a very healthy way to deal with any sort of stressful situation. It helps us move the stress through our physical and emotional bodies and begin the healing process. Our women friends can give us the emotional support that the men in our lives may be unable to provide.

So go ahead and call that friend of yours you've been meaning to call. Meet for tea and have a nice, satisfying chat.

*The information in this article came from an article by Gale Berkowitz

In a Nutshell - 35: Pearls of Wisdom and Humor

• To change one's life: 1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions. (William James)



• Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows fall behind you. (Maori proverb)



• May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder. (John O’Donohue)



• Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart! (Erma Bombeck)



• My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. (Mark Twain)



• The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. (Jill Churchill)



• The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears. (Ellen Goodman)



• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. (Calvin Trillin)



• Sooner or later, we all quote our mothers. (Bern Williams)

Bandaged Places by Saralee Sky

A friend was talking about the events that had occurred over the course of her life. "Each situation took away a piece of me, and left me feeling less sure of myself, less whole."

I pondered her statement for a long time and then I asked her, "Is it possible that the parts of you that were taken away were parts that you no longer needed?"

We often view events or crises as diminishing our sense of self, our ability to feel strong and whole, but perhaps it is just the opposite. Perhaps when our ego is bruised or our self-esteem is diminished, we are actually making room for a whole new understanding of who we are to shine through.

Rumi says, "Keep looking at the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you.

I look over my life and I can see plenty of bandaged places. I used to feel like there was a hole where my heart should be. A big gaping wound that no amount of bandages could cover. I had to put an imagined steel belt around my heart to keep it from feeling too much pain, from coming to terms with the gaping hole. But that hole was precisely the spot where the light seeped through. When I eventually let go of the steel band and let the pain pour out, even more light poured in. I felt more whole, more centered in my self, more full of light.

Our scars are also our greatest potential for growth and enlightenment. Without them we would become complacent and spiritually lazy. Every trauma we go through is a potential bandaged place and a potential place for the light to shine through. Instead of looking at an event with sadness or pain, try looking at it as a window through which the light of your own spirit can shine and help you to heal. Take off the bandage slowly. There will be pain, but there will also be light.

As parents we worry that a traumatic event may scar our children for life. Death of a loved one. Divorce. Moving to a new city. Being the victim of a bully. We see their wounds and scars as our fault. If we were better parents, our children wouldn't have to go through this pain and suffering.

We ARE responsible for a lot of what our children must experience. We make the major decisions that affect their lives for good or ill. I am not absolving you of your responsibility as a parent. Rather I am challenging you to look at a difficult event as a potential for your growth as well as the growth of your children. Help them to express their feelings and also help them to feel the light shining through their discomfort. If children can learn that growth and light come from every difficult event in their lives, they will welcome the events as they come and open up to the light, rather than avoiding any conflict or wallowing in sadness, self-pity or resentment. And the bandaged places will heal without a scar at all.

In a Nutshell - 33: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• Fly without hesitation to the edge of the horizon with outstretched wings and vivid dreams trusting you will not fall. (Heather Handler)



• Before I speak, I have something important to say (Groucho Marx)



• In the end we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught. (Baba Dioum)



• Just as parents care for their children, you should bear in mind the whole universe. (Zen Master Dogen)



• If an unnamed baby gets sick, name it and it will get well. (Naming legend)



• All good things are wild, and free. (Henry David Thoreau)



• When lighting a fire, give it the name of someone you love. If the fire goes out, your love is unrequited. If it burns, your love is returned. (Naming legend)



• No, Groucho is not my real name. I’m breaking it in for a friend. (Groucho Marx, born Julius Marx)



• Everything that irritates us about others can lead to an understanding about ourselves. (Carl Jung)



• Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. (Groucho Marx)



• I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace. (Diane Ackerman)

Swearing In Ceremonies by Saralee Sky

Recently Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of these United States of America. In fact, he was sworn in twice, because the Chief Justice mixed up the words during the inauguration ceremony. It got me to thinking about promises we all make and oaths we take in our lives. How can we make them more than mere words?

We all make promises, to ourselves and to others. And perhaps the most formal “oath” we take is part of our marriage ceremony. We vow to love, honor, respect, etc. I am sure we all mean the words as we say them on that special day, but do we keep the vows alive over time? Not all promises are able to be kept. Not all vows hold over time. But surely it is good to try and live up to the lofty ideals contained in oaths. They have worthy goals: “Do no harm.” “Until death do us part.” “Defend the Constitution of the United States.”

I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace. (Diane Ackerman)

The above quote from Diane Ackerman came to me fromwww.gratefullness.org as part of their email program, Word for the Day. Many of their quotes give me pause, but none more so than this one. I am struck by the power of the words, and the intention of the oath. I do not know why Ms Ackerman created this oath, what ceremony she was participating in if any. But what if – each and every morning – we all had to swear to live our lives a certain way? If we did, then what better oath than the one Ms Ackerman has created?

I have decided to take this oath every day, each morning as I start my day. I offer it to you and to President Obama. It is not as formal or specific as the President’s oath, but it says so very much more to me. It uses words like: guardian, messenger, healer, architect. When I see myself as a guardian, as a messenger, as a healer, or as an architect, I feel powerful, able to make a change for better in the world. More important it uses the word humbly. This word reminds me not to take myself too seriously, even though I may be a guardian, messenger, etc.

I am touched by this oath, this attempt to align oneself with nature, wonder and peace, and to move away from hatred. I read Ms Ackerman’s words and I want to live up to them, be worthy of them, have them engraved upon my soul. What better eulogy could I have than to have it said of me: “she hated no one or no thing, she loved and protected the sea, the earth, and all who dwell therein, she healed the sick and the sick-at-heart, she filled herself and those around her with wonder, and she worked tirelessly for peace”?

In a Nutshell - 32: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time. (Shirley Chisholm)



• The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. (Quentin Crisp)



• School vacation has meant plenty of time here at home for our two little girls, Kaysa, age four, and Emma, age six, to fight with each other. On one occasion, I heard Kaysa shriek right before seeing Emma run out of their bedroom. I asked Emma if she had 'assaulted' her sister again. Emma immediately said, "No, Mama, I didn't 'a salt' Kaysa, I 'a peppered' her!" (Britt Holmstrom-Salisbury)



• There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way and not starting. (Buddha)



• Every act of service we perform makes our lives, the lives of others and the Earth a tiny bit better. (Saralee Sky)



• The mind determines what is possible. The heart surpasses it. (Pilar Coolinta)



• Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. (Victor Borge)



• One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star. (Friedrich Nietzsche)



• Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. (G. K. Chesterton)



• Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. (Carl Sagan)

We Live Therefore We Serve by Saralee Sky

"Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time." Shirley Chisholm

When I was a young woman, I tried to get a job at a fancy restaurant as a waitress. It was the only job available in the rural area where I was living. When asked what experience I had, I lied and said I had worked my way through college as a waitress at my uncle’s fancy restaurant. The closest job I actually had was serving ice cream and burgers.

I got the job and was given six tables to wait on. Each table had six courses to be served in addition to drinks and wine from the bar. I was completely out of my ken. I really had no idea how to open wine with a flourish, keep track of which table was on what course, make sure everyone got what they actually ordered, etc. And then I realized two things: taking care of six tables was like performing an intricate dance. I could immerse myself in the steps of the dance and keep the food and drink flowing. But most important was to approach each table with a true attitude of service.

“How can I help you?” became my mantra and also my heart-felt approach to my job. I was genuinely interested in each group I served. I was honest in telling them that I was new to this type of job. I laughed at myself as I struggled with the wine corks, or forgot who ordered what. I listened to each and every person and soon had them telling me about their lives in the course of the six courses they consumed. I may not have been the best waitress, but I was the friendliest and got lots of praise from my customers and really good tips.

The key here was that I realized as a waitress I was there to serve my customers. Truly serve them. Once I became aware of this, my customers responded with delight and appreciation.

Since that time I have pondered the idea of service. So much of what we all do each and every day is a kind of service, but if we are not aware of it, we lose the opportunity to really experience the benefits and effects of that service. What exactly do I mean by “service”? To serve can mean offering comfort and aid to another human being, feeding the birds on cold winter days, clearing out a storm drain after a big rain, sending money to a favorite charity, volunteering in your child’s classroom. But service also means making breakfast for your family, changing a diaper, grocery shopping, cleaning the toilet, sweeping the floor. The list is endless. We perform countless acts of service every day without being aware of it. As soon as we become aware, the experience is enhanced and we are uplifted by each act of service instead of feeling drained.

Every act of service we perform makes our lives, the lives of others and the Earth a tiny bit better. As we enter the new year, I challenge you to make two new years resolutions: to be more aware of how you already serve and to try to be of more service to this planet, your country, your community, your family, and yourself. Happy New Year!

In a Nutshell - 31: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. (Erma Bombeck)



• Forever on Thanksgiving Day, the heart will find the pathway home. (Wilbur D. Nesbit)



• Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. (Norman Vincent Peale)



• I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold. (Gregory, 5)



• Long after the latest fad toy is discarded or given away, the time you spent together or the doll house you made will have a place of honor in your children’s lives and memories. (Saralee Sky)



• During the early months of your baby's life, he sleeps when he is tired, it’s that simple. You can do little to force a new baby to sleep when he doesn’t want to sleep, and conversely, you can do little to wake him up when he is sleeping soundly. (Elizabeth Pantley)



• Help your neighbor’s boat across and lo! Your own has reached the shore. (Hindu proverb)



• Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)



• If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the blessing of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life. (Rachel Carson)

Gifting Your Children or Grandchildren by Saralee Sky

I was listening to NPR Weekend Edition Saturday and I heard the saxophonist, Joshua Redman, playing some songs and talking about his father, tenor saxophonist, Dewey Redman. Dewey came to play at a recent recording session with Joshua. When they were done, Dewey asked to play a song on his own, without Joshua. Since it was Joshua's album, it was a strange request. But Joshua said OK and left to get some coffee. When he returned, his father was done. It only took one take and the name of the song was "GJ".

Joshua and his wife had recently had a baby, and this song was a gift to Dewey's grandson, Jaden. Dewey died shortly after the recording. This beautiful, soulful song will be a lasting legacy to his grandson. Jaden will grow up without knowing his grandfather, but he will have this very special gift, this song, written and performed just for him by this great Jazz musician.

After listening to this report, I started thinking about gifts we give to our children and our grandchildren. We want to be sure they have the best clothes, toys, books, sports equipment. Maybe one special toy or one special book will remain with them as they grow, but mostly they will grow out of the things we give them, unless we truly give them something of ourselves.

The holidays are fast approaching. The pressure is on to provide the latest fad toy or fashion. How will you gift your children? Your grandchildren? Who are you? What is special about you? What do you love to do? Believe in? Support? What kind of gift can you give to your children or grandchildren that says: ‘This is me. This is how I feel about you. This is what I want you to remember about me.’?

Perhaps it will be a handmade quilt or doll house, a story you write, a picture you paint, a special memento from your own parents you pass on, a camping trip, an afternoon spent fishing, a walk in the woods. Whatever it is, I urge you to think about what you want your children to know about you or your grandchildren to remember about you. Give them gifts that tell them something about who you are, what you know, what you love.

I love to sew and to knit. I also love camping and walking in the woods. Last year I knitted a sweater for each of my grandchildren. I did not make my deadline of Christmas, but they all got one eventually. This year I have been sewing clothes for my granddaughter’s American Doll. I plan to make a matching outfit for them for Christmas. This past summer I went camping with my son, daughter-in-law and two of my grandchildren. As often as we can, I take them for walks in the woods. And for gelato. We ALL love gelato! J

Give them memories in the here and now. Today may be all we ever "have", but our todays are built upon the days that came before. Long after the latest fad toy is discarded or given away, the time you spent together or the doll house you made will have a place of honor in your children’s lives and memories.

If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the blessing of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life. (Rachel Carson)

I wish you a very special and loving holiday season.

In a Nutshell - 30: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• Motherhood is an immense responsibility. In my opinion, it is the most overwhelming, meaningful, incredible, transforming experience of a lifetime. No wonder it produces such emotional and physical change! (Elizabeth Pantley)



• When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half. (Gracie Allen)



• We can all learn from the resiliency of weeds. They grow where they can. They allow us to pluck them from the soil. And then they grow again. And again. No judgment. No blame. Perseverance furthers. (Saralee Sky)



• I had assumed that the Earth, the spirit of the Earth, noticed exceptions -- those who wantonly damage it and those who do not. But the Earth is wise. It has given itself into the keeping of all, and all are therefore accountable. (Alice Walker)



• There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. (George Santayana)



• Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. (Robert Louis Stevenson)



• I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward. (Thomas Edison)



• Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. (Philo of Alexandria)



• We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. (Judith Martin)

The Resiliency of Weeds by Saralee Sky

We built a new house on a corner parcel of land. In the process of digging out a basement and due to all the people working on the building, the grass was covered up or destroyed. I took advantage of that fact to create a yard that was all garden and no lawn. Over the last three years I have added many plants and shrubs and ground covers, along with trees, fruits and vegetables. But in addition to all that I have chosen and planted on my own, many plants have arrived via wind-born seed or bird droppings. The result is that I have many weeds living among the cultivated plants.

In some cases I just let the weeds grow along side whatever I have chosen, so you will see a 6-foot mullein plant near my rose bushes, or yarrow popping up here there and everywhere. The clover and buttercup are so abundant, however, they threaten to completely cover up my lovely blue-star creeper, the ground cover I have chosen for its tiny magical star-shaped flowers that cover it from May through September. So out I go into the fray, starting in April and continuing into May and June, tearing out the clover and the buttercup and the crab grass and the dandelions in order to let the very forgiving blue star creeper and vinca and knick knick a chance to grow and thrive.

My husband laughs at my determination. "It's a losing battle," he says. And he is right. Along about July my enthusiasm for weeding starts to lag. By August I am postively weeded out. All my beliefs about weeding being good therapy, about how meditative and healing it is to get my hands in the dirt wanes. Instead I look out at the chaos that is my yard and have an intense urge to lie down in the hammock and read a book.

The trick is not to look too closely. People walk by and, when they see me in my yard, tell me, "I just love your garden! It makes my heart glad to look at it." These words would inspire me to longer weeding sessions in the early summer. Now I just look up from my book and say, "Thanks".

So the losing battle has been lost. The weeds knew it all along. They have let me come through and tear some of them up, knowing quite well that sooner or later I'd get tired. Each time I came through they bowed to my weeding will and started growing again as soon as I passed by. Their resiliency and ability to forgive my weeding ways was and is boundless.

I never feel so accepted for who I am as when I am weeding in my garden. "Come and play in the dirt," the plants seem to say to me. "We will let you pick who stays and who goes for just this little while. Then we will come back where we will and live in harmony, rose and mugwort, dandelion and hydrangea, fuchsia and buttercup."

We can all learn from the resiliency of weeds. They grow where they can. They allow us to pluck them from the soil. And then they grow again. And again. No judgment. No blame. Perseverance furthers.

In a Nutshell - 29: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• Be open to the unknown ahead, the trail that leads you to true beauty. Or be ready to turn around, care for your child and see her true nature. (Heidi Ahrens)



• Who is it that can make muddy water clear? No one. But left to stand, it will gradually clear of itself. (Lao Tzu)



• The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many' and the word 'ticks' meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. (Larry Hardiman)



• There is no way to peace. Peace is the way. (A. J. Muste)



• Holiness comes wrapped in the ordinary. There are burning bushes all around you. Every tree is full of angels. Hidden beauty is waiting in every crumb. (Macrina Wiederkehr)



• Earth's crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God. (Elizabeth Barrett Browning)



• The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant…and let the air out of the tires. (Dorothy Parker)



• Not knowing when the dawn will come, open every door. (Emily Dickenson)



• I would be the most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough book shelves. (Anna Quindlen)

Transitions by Saralee Sky

We all have so many transitions to navigate during the course of a single day, let alone the changes we must all experience as we live and grow. Some of us move with ease and grace from one transition to another, letting go of what was and embracing what is to come. Some of us fight every change, every letting go and every leap into the unknown until it becomes familiar.

My five year old grandson, Jordan, recently developed a resistance to every transition during his day. When his mother tries to get him ready to come to my house in the mornings so that she can go to work, he is likely to have a tantrum saying that he wants to stay home. When it is time for me to take him to school in the afternoon, he will hide and cry and say he hates school and doesn’t want to go. When it’s time to pick him up from school he will run away from me – sometimes into the parking lot where cars are coming and going – saying he doesn’t want to leave school. And when his mother comes after work to take him home from my house, he will refuse to leave my side. I realize that he has to face a lot of different places each day, but in each place he is loved and cared for and always ends up having a good time, once he relaxes and accepts the transition.

Growth means change, and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown George Shinn

Perhaps for Jordan, each time he leaves whatever safe haven he is in means stepping from the known to the unknown. He must take the leap of faith that Nana’s house will be safe and fun and that school will be safe and fun and that home will be safe and fun, over and over in his young life.

We have all learned not to make a big fuss over it. When he arrives at my house I assess his body language when he first comes in the door. I try to greet him. If he says “No!” and runs to hide, I let him do so and let him come to me. He will eventually come to me and say, “Play with me.” I greet him then and tell him that of course I will play with him after he has had breakfast.

When it is time to go to school and he resists, I tell him, “I know you do not like leaving one place and going to another, but your teacher really likes you and the other children are all looking forward to playing with you. Let’s look on the calendar to see what you will be doing today.” Just acknowledging his fear and his resistance allows him to work through it.

Is it possible to feel safe and scared at the same time? I think so. Perhaps it is the higher self and lower self battling it out. Jordan’s higher self says “You will be safe wherever you are and whoever you are with,” while his lower self says. “I like it fine where I am. I don’t want to go anywhere else, take any risks. Let me stay here where it’s safe and familiar.”

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. Albert Einstein

Seen in this light, it is miracle that Jordan works through his fear and resistance each and every day and takes the leap into the relative unknown of my house, of school and of home again. I must appreciate more just how brave this little boy is as he steps each day into the unknown and lives to tell the tale.

I, too, am facing a transition in my life. I must choose whether to continue on with Babynut, or to let it go and wait to see what comes into my life next. This is not an easy transition for me, but one that I must make soon nevertheless.

Who is it that can make muddy water clear? No one. But left to stand, it will gradually clear of itself. Lao Tzu

I am waiting for the water to clear and for my way to become known. I have enjoyed every step of the journey that is Womb To Grow and Babynut. It has been a labor of love for me. Still, I also need it to stand on its own and grow and flourish. Since it has not become profitable in almost 5 years of operation, I must make the choice to let it go or continue to try to make it work on more than just a personal level. Whatever I choose will be one more transition in my life, one more chance for growth and understanding.

I have reached a point in my life where I understand the pain and the challenges; and my attitude is one of standing up with open arms to meet them all. Myrlie Evers

In a Nutshell - 28: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• One thing is certain: Children need lots of free, quiet time to get used to all that’s developing within them. (Fred Rogers)



• Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. (Bill Cosby)



• None of us is exactly like anyone else, but one thing we have in common is our humanity, our very natural, understandable desire to know that at least somebody,onebody, thinks there’s something special about us, something worth caring about. (Fred Rogers)



• Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)



• Every time we affirm how special our children are to us for being themselves, we’re helping them grow into adults who rejoice in the diversity of the world’s people. (Fred Rogers)



• Never have children, only grandchildren. (Gore Vidal)



• Help your neighbor’s boat across, and lo! Your own has reached the shore. (Hindu proverb)



• I have reached a point in my life where I understand the pain and the challenges; and my attitude is standing up with open arms to meet them all. (Myrlie Evers)



• When it is dark enough you can see the stars. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)



• A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. (Groucho Marx)