The Connection Between Pain and Anger

When I hurt myself accidentally (bump my head on an open cabinet door, stub my toe, bump my shin on a sharp corner), as soon as I feel the pain I also feel a wave of anger wash through me. I am furious at the object that hurt me and also at myself for being so careless.

When my grandson falls and hurts himself doing something I warned him not to do, my first reaction/emotion is also one of anger. He needs comforting and a bandaid and I force myself to give these things, but I am also angry at him and I cannot stop myself for telling him that I told him this would happen.

He has just learned a valuable lesson on his own. The consequences of his actions are clear. I do not need to ram it home. If I could just wait until later, when he is all better and calm, I could then say in a kinder tone of voice, "Now do you see why I didn't want you to run so fast on the sidewalk in those shoes?"

So what is it that links anger to pain so intensely for me? A past life experience? A childhood experience no longer conscious, but lurking in my subconscious, ready to leap out at the first painful opportunity? I do not yet know. I just know it is an inevitable process. If I can be still for a minute or so after I hurt myself, the anger will wash through me and dissipate. I know this, but I cannot always resist smacking the cupboard door or the offending piece of furniture, often resulting in more pain. At least this action usually brings me to my senses.

Read more of Saralee Sky's articles in her online newsletter, Nutsense, on her web site: www.babynut.com.