In a Nutshell - 38: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. (Joseph Campbell)



• When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. (Regina Brett)



• Early childhood is the most important part of life. It informs all that we do thereafter. (Mister Rogers)



• Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present. (Regina Brett)



• Envy is the art of counting another’s blessings instead of your own. (Harold Coffin)



• When I count my blessings, I count you twice. (Irish Proverb)



• We plant seeds that will flower as results in our lives, so best to remove the weeds of anger, avarice, envy and doubt, that peace and abundance may manifest for all. (Dorothy Day)



• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. (Unknown)



• Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart." (Unknown)



• In the dew of little things, the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. (Kahlil Gibran)



• When I count my blessings, I count you twice. (Irish Proverb) :)

In a Nutshell - 37: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about. (Angela Schwindt)



• When the wisdom of the Grandmothers is heard, the world will heal. (Native American Prophecy)



• Atheism is a non-prophet organization. (Unknown)



• One of the most essential ways of saying “I love you” is by careful listening – listening with the “ear of the heart.” (Mr. Rogers)



• Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects. (Unknown)



• I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances. (Martha Washington)



• Change the story and you change perception; change perception and you change the world. (Jean Houston)



• A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: 'Keep off the Grass.' (Unknown



• When I dare to be powerful -- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. (Audre Lorde)



• There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. (Jack E. Leonard)

The Feminine Power of Yin by Saralee Sky

As I contemplate Babynut's 6th birthday, I feel called to celebrate not only Babynut, but all women and their magical ability to create and nurture life and to give birth. This is the Power of Yin; of nurturing and holding life. It is the power of Shakti, the Feminine Principle.

Here is what Sharon McErlane*, author of Our Love is Our Power has to say about the primal energy of Woman: “Women embody not the yang-based power that is nearly worshipped in our world, but real power. Woman as the container, the wheel, the Mother ship, She who HOLDS. These ideas are foreign in our culture, foreign in our world. For thousands of years woman has been treated as the 'second sex' the 'also ran' of the human family, told to 'stand behind' men and know her place. Woman as shakti, the Feminine Principle, the elemental power of the universe, is not something our culture understands."

To all of the women who read this article, I say, embrace in your power. Visualize yourself as the vessel that you are. Sit in meditation and imagine yourself holding all that you love - your children, your spouse, your family, your friends. Now expand your vessel, your holding, to include the place where you live, all the animals and plants and people in your town, even the people or animals you don't like. Just hold them.

As you get comfortable with this exercise, you can expand your holding to include more and more of the Earth and all that dwell in and upon it. There is no limit to your holding. You are one with the Great Mother.

When a woman holds and contains, she is coming from the foundation of her power, the Power of Yin. Yin is the complementary universal force to Yang, which goes out into the world and is active and strong. But Yang cannot exist without Yin, and for much too long, women have been unaware of their power.

If a woman tries to imitate the Yang way men are powerful in the world, she will be a shadow of her real self. To be powerful, to be the mother that you are, you must learn how to hold, to be a vessel of love and strength and light.

I created Babynut as a way to hold all babies in the womb or newly born, all women pregnant, giving birth or caring for newborns. I believe that the time a child is in the womb and the first few years after birth is the most important time in that child's life. How babies are held in the womb and then birthed and held as they grow strong enough to walk on their own will determine how safe they feel in the world, how much they feel loved and nurtured, and in turn are able to love and nurture themselves and others.

Now is the time for women to own their power. I feel blessed to be living in a time when I can help to heal and rebalance the Earth with the Power of Yin. I am now a grandmother and am in the Autumn of my life. Before it is my time to go, I hope to grow strong with the Power of Yin, with holding. “When the wisdom of the Grandmothers is heard, the world will heal." Native American Prophecy

*To learn more about Sharon McErlane and the wisdom of the Grandmothers, click here.

In a Nutshell - 36: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. (Unknown)
  
  
• Laughter is carbonated holiness. (Anne Lamott)
  
  
• Live in the present. Do the things that need to be done. Do all the good you can each day. The future will unfold. (Peace Pilgrim)
  
  
• Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression. (Haim Ginott)
  
  
• The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and their destination. (John Schaar)
  
  
• Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' (Unknown)
  
  
• Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved. (William Jennings Bryan)
  
  
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. (Unknown)
  
  
• It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny. (Jean Nidetch)

Tend and Befriend NOT Fight or Flight by Saralee Sky

A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research—most of it on men—upside down.

"Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible," explains Laura Cousino Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. "It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers."

Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just "fight or flight."

"In fact," says Dr. Klein, "it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the 'fight or flight' response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead." When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.

"This calming response does not occur in men," says Dr. Klein, "because testosterone—which men produce in high levels when they're under stress—seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen seems to enhance it."

This information makes so much sense to me! I have on occasion been ready to do battle to defend or protect my children, but my more consistent reaction to a stressful situation is to step back from it if it is dangerous, or calmly try to resolve the issue - talk it out. When I am unable to deal with the situation directly, I will pay attention to other people - my children or grandchildren, baking cookies or caring for them in some other way. I will also start cleaning and attending to minute details to try and manage the overwhelming feelings the stress is causing. I always figured something was WRONG with me when actually I am simply responding the way women are wired to respond.

The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in a classic 'AHA' moment shared by two women scientists who were talking one day in a lab at UCLA. "There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee, and bonded," says Dr. Klein. "When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own."

Going to friends for succor and support is a very healthy way to deal with any sort of stressful situation. It helps us move the stress through our physical and emotional bodies and begin the healing process. Our women friends can give us the emotional support that the men in our lives may be unable to provide.

So go ahead and call that friend of yours you've been meaning to call. Meet for tea and have a nice, satisfying chat.

*The information in this article came from an article by Gale Berkowitz

In a Nutshell - 35: Pearls of Wisdom and Humor

• To change one's life: 1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions. (William James)



• Turn your face to the sun, and the shadows fall behind you. (Maori proverb)



• May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven around the heart of wonder. (John O’Donohue)



• Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart! (Erma Bombeck)



• My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. (Mark Twain)



• The most important thing she’d learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. (Jill Churchill)



• The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears. (Ellen Goodman)



• The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. (Calvin Trillin)



• Sooner or later, we all quote our mothers. (Bern Williams)

Bandaged Places by Saralee Sky

A friend was talking about the events that had occurred over the course of her life. "Each situation took away a piece of me, and left me feeling less sure of myself, less whole."

I pondered her statement for a long time and then I asked her, "Is it possible that the parts of you that were taken away were parts that you no longer needed?"

We often view events or crises as diminishing our sense of self, our ability to feel strong and whole, but perhaps it is just the opposite. Perhaps when our ego is bruised or our self-esteem is diminished, we are actually making room for a whole new understanding of who we are to shine through.

Rumi says, "Keep looking at the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you.

I look over my life and I can see plenty of bandaged places. I used to feel like there was a hole where my heart should be. A big gaping wound that no amount of bandages could cover. I had to put an imagined steel belt around my heart to keep it from feeling too much pain, from coming to terms with the gaping hole. But that hole was precisely the spot where the light seeped through. When I eventually let go of the steel band and let the pain pour out, even more light poured in. I felt more whole, more centered in my self, more full of light.

Our scars are also our greatest potential for growth and enlightenment. Without them we would become complacent and spiritually lazy. Every trauma we go through is a potential bandaged place and a potential place for the light to shine through. Instead of looking at an event with sadness or pain, try looking at it as a window through which the light of your own spirit can shine and help you to heal. Take off the bandage slowly. There will be pain, but there will also be light.

As parents we worry that a traumatic event may scar our children for life. Death of a loved one. Divorce. Moving to a new city. Being the victim of a bully. We see their wounds and scars as our fault. If we were better parents, our children wouldn't have to go through this pain and suffering.

We ARE responsible for a lot of what our children must experience. We make the major decisions that affect their lives for good or ill. I am not absolving you of your responsibility as a parent. Rather I am challenging you to look at a difficult event as a potential for your growth as well as the growth of your children. Help them to express their feelings and also help them to feel the light shining through their discomfort. If children can learn that growth and light come from every difficult event in their lives, they will welcome the events as they come and open up to the light, rather than avoiding any conflict or wallowing in sadness, self-pity or resentment. And the bandaged places will heal without a scar at all.

In a Nutshell - 33: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• Fly without hesitation to the edge of the horizon with outstretched wings and vivid dreams trusting you will not fall. (Heather Handler)



• Before I speak, I have something important to say (Groucho Marx)



• In the end we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught. (Baba Dioum)



• Just as parents care for their children, you should bear in mind the whole universe. (Zen Master Dogen)



• If an unnamed baby gets sick, name it and it will get well. (Naming legend)



• All good things are wild, and free. (Henry David Thoreau)



• When lighting a fire, give it the name of someone you love. If the fire goes out, your love is unrequited. If it burns, your love is returned. (Naming legend)



• No, Groucho is not my real name. I’m breaking it in for a friend. (Groucho Marx, born Julius Marx)



• Everything that irritates us about others can lead to an understanding about ourselves. (Carl Jung)



• Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. (Groucho Marx)



• I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace. (Diane Ackerman)

Swearing In Ceremonies by Saralee Sky

Recently Barack Hussein Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of these United States of America. In fact, he was sworn in twice, because the Chief Justice mixed up the words during the inauguration ceremony. It got me to thinking about promises we all make and oaths we take in our lives. How can we make them more than mere words?

We all make promises, to ourselves and to others. And perhaps the most formal “oath” we take is part of our marriage ceremony. We vow to love, honor, respect, etc. I am sure we all mean the words as we say them on that special day, but do we keep the vows alive over time? Not all promises are able to be kept. Not all vows hold over time. But surely it is good to try and live up to the lofty ideals contained in oaths. They have worthy goals: “Do no harm.” “Until death do us part.” “Defend the Constitution of the United States.”

I swear I will not dishonor my soul with hatred, but offer myself humbly as a guardian of nature, as a healer of misery, as a messenger of wonder, as an architect of peace. (Diane Ackerman)

The above quote from Diane Ackerman came to me fromwww.gratefullness.org as part of their email program, Word for the Day. Many of their quotes give me pause, but none more so than this one. I am struck by the power of the words, and the intention of the oath. I do not know why Ms Ackerman created this oath, what ceremony she was participating in if any. But what if – each and every morning – we all had to swear to live our lives a certain way? If we did, then what better oath than the one Ms Ackerman has created?

I have decided to take this oath every day, each morning as I start my day. I offer it to you and to President Obama. It is not as formal or specific as the President’s oath, but it says so very much more to me. It uses words like: guardian, messenger, healer, architect. When I see myself as a guardian, as a messenger, as a healer, or as an architect, I feel powerful, able to make a change for better in the world. More important it uses the word humbly. This word reminds me not to take myself too seriously, even though I may be a guardian, messenger, etc.

I am touched by this oath, this attempt to align oneself with nature, wonder and peace, and to move away from hatred. I read Ms Ackerman’s words and I want to live up to them, be worthy of them, have them engraved upon my soul. What better eulogy could I have than to have it said of me: “she hated no one or no thing, she loved and protected the sea, the earth, and all who dwell therein, she healed the sick and the sick-at-heart, she filled herself and those around her with wonder, and she worked tirelessly for peace”?

In a Nutshell - 32: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time. (Shirley Chisholm)



• The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things that other people think about us. (Quentin Crisp)



• School vacation has meant plenty of time here at home for our two little girls, Kaysa, age four, and Emma, age six, to fight with each other. On one occasion, I heard Kaysa shriek right before seeing Emma run out of their bedroom. I asked Emma if she had 'assaulted' her sister again. Emma immediately said, "No, Mama, I didn't 'a salt' Kaysa, I 'a peppered' her!" (Britt Holmstrom-Salisbury)



• There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: not going all the way and not starting. (Buddha)



• Every act of service we perform makes our lives, the lives of others and the Earth a tiny bit better. (Saralee Sky)



• The mind determines what is possible. The heart surpasses it. (Pilar Coolinta)



• Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year. (Victor Borge)



• One must have chaos in oneself in order to give birth to a dancing star. (Friedrich Nietzsche)



• Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly. (G. K. Chesterton)



• Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. (Carl Sagan)

We Live Therefore We Serve by Saralee Sky

"Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth. It is the very purpose of life, and not something you do in your spare time." Shirley Chisholm

When I was a young woman, I tried to get a job at a fancy restaurant as a waitress. It was the only job available in the rural area where I was living. When asked what experience I had, I lied and said I had worked my way through college as a waitress at my uncle’s fancy restaurant. The closest job I actually had was serving ice cream and burgers.

I got the job and was given six tables to wait on. Each table had six courses to be served in addition to drinks and wine from the bar. I was completely out of my ken. I really had no idea how to open wine with a flourish, keep track of which table was on what course, make sure everyone got what they actually ordered, etc. And then I realized two things: taking care of six tables was like performing an intricate dance. I could immerse myself in the steps of the dance and keep the food and drink flowing. But most important was to approach each table with a true attitude of service.

“How can I help you?” became my mantra and also my heart-felt approach to my job. I was genuinely interested in each group I served. I was honest in telling them that I was new to this type of job. I laughed at myself as I struggled with the wine corks, or forgot who ordered what. I listened to each and every person and soon had them telling me about their lives in the course of the six courses they consumed. I may not have been the best waitress, but I was the friendliest and got lots of praise from my customers and really good tips.

The key here was that I realized as a waitress I was there to serve my customers. Truly serve them. Once I became aware of this, my customers responded with delight and appreciation.

Since that time I have pondered the idea of service. So much of what we all do each and every day is a kind of service, but if we are not aware of it, we lose the opportunity to really experience the benefits and effects of that service. What exactly do I mean by “service”? To serve can mean offering comfort and aid to another human being, feeding the birds on cold winter days, clearing out a storm drain after a big rain, sending money to a favorite charity, volunteering in your child’s classroom. But service also means making breakfast for your family, changing a diaper, grocery shopping, cleaning the toilet, sweeping the floor. The list is endless. We perform countless acts of service every day without being aware of it. As soon as we become aware, the experience is enhanced and we are uplifted by each act of service instead of feeling drained.

Every act of service we perform makes our lives, the lives of others and the Earth a tiny bit better. As we enter the new year, I challenge you to make two new years resolutions: to be more aware of how you already serve and to try to be of more service to this planet, your country, your community, your family, and yourself. Happy New Year!

In a Nutshell - 31: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. (Erma Bombeck)



• Forever on Thanksgiving Day, the heart will find the pathway home. (Wilbur D. Nesbit)



• Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. (Norman Vincent Peale)



• I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold. (Gregory, 5)



• Long after the latest fad toy is discarded or given away, the time you spent together or the doll house you made will have a place of honor in your children’s lives and memories. (Saralee Sky)



• During the early months of your baby's life, he sleeps when he is tired, it’s that simple. You can do little to force a new baby to sleep when he doesn’t want to sleep, and conversely, you can do little to wake him up when he is sleeping soundly. (Elizabeth Pantley)



• Help your neighbor’s boat across and lo! Your own has reached the shore. (Hindu proverb)



• Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)



• If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the blessing of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life. (Rachel Carson)

Gifting Your Children or Grandchildren by Saralee Sky

I was listening to NPR Weekend Edition Saturday and I heard the saxophonist, Joshua Redman, playing some songs and talking about his father, tenor saxophonist, Dewey Redman. Dewey came to play at a recent recording session with Joshua. When they were done, Dewey asked to play a song on his own, without Joshua. Since it was Joshua's album, it was a strange request. But Joshua said OK and left to get some coffee. When he returned, his father was done. It only took one take and the name of the song was "GJ".

Joshua and his wife had recently had a baby, and this song was a gift to Dewey's grandson, Jaden. Dewey died shortly after the recording. This beautiful, soulful song will be a lasting legacy to his grandson. Jaden will grow up without knowing his grandfather, but he will have this very special gift, this song, written and performed just for him by this great Jazz musician.

After listening to this report, I started thinking about gifts we give to our children and our grandchildren. We want to be sure they have the best clothes, toys, books, sports equipment. Maybe one special toy or one special book will remain with them as they grow, but mostly they will grow out of the things we give them, unless we truly give them something of ourselves.

The holidays are fast approaching. The pressure is on to provide the latest fad toy or fashion. How will you gift your children? Your grandchildren? Who are you? What is special about you? What do you love to do? Believe in? Support? What kind of gift can you give to your children or grandchildren that says: ‘This is me. This is how I feel about you. This is what I want you to remember about me.’?

Perhaps it will be a handmade quilt or doll house, a story you write, a picture you paint, a special memento from your own parents you pass on, a camping trip, an afternoon spent fishing, a walk in the woods. Whatever it is, I urge you to think about what you want your children to know about you or your grandchildren to remember about you. Give them gifts that tell them something about who you are, what you know, what you love.

I love to sew and to knit. I also love camping and walking in the woods. Last year I knitted a sweater for each of my grandchildren. I did not make my deadline of Christmas, but they all got one eventually. This year I have been sewing clothes for my granddaughter’s American Doll. I plan to make a matching outfit for them for Christmas. This past summer I went camping with my son, daughter-in-law and two of my grandchildren. As often as we can, I take them for walks in the woods. And for gelato. We ALL love gelato! J

Give them memories in the here and now. Today may be all we ever "have", but our todays are built upon the days that came before. Long after the latest fad toy is discarded or given away, the time you spent together or the doll house you made will have a place of honor in your children’s lives and memories.

If I had influence with the good fairy who is supposed to preside over the blessing of all children, I should ask that her gift to each child in the world be a sense of wonder so indestructible that it would last throughout life. (Rachel Carson)

I wish you a very special and loving holiday season.

In a Nutshell - 30: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• Motherhood is an immense responsibility. In my opinion, it is the most overwhelming, meaningful, incredible, transforming experience of a lifetime. No wonder it produces such emotional and physical change! (Elizabeth Pantley)



• When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half. (Gracie Allen)



• We can all learn from the resiliency of weeds. They grow where they can. They allow us to pluck them from the soil. And then they grow again. And again. No judgment. No blame. Perseverance furthers. (Saralee Sky)



• I had assumed that the Earth, the spirit of the Earth, noticed exceptions -- those who wantonly damage it and those who do not. But the Earth is wise. It has given itself into the keeping of all, and all are therefore accountable. (Alice Walker)



• There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. (George Santayana)



• Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant. (Robert Louis Stevenson)



• I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward. (Thomas Edison)



• Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle. (Philo of Alexandria)



• We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. (Judith Martin)

The Resiliency of Weeds by Saralee Sky

We built a new house on a corner parcel of land. In the process of digging out a basement and due to all the people working on the building, the grass was covered up or destroyed. I took advantage of that fact to create a yard that was all garden and no lawn. Over the last three years I have added many plants and shrubs and ground covers, along with trees, fruits and vegetables. But in addition to all that I have chosen and planted on my own, many plants have arrived via wind-born seed or bird droppings. The result is that I have many weeds living among the cultivated plants.

In some cases I just let the weeds grow along side whatever I have chosen, so you will see a 6-foot mullein plant near my rose bushes, or yarrow popping up here there and everywhere. The clover and buttercup are so abundant, however, they threaten to completely cover up my lovely blue-star creeper, the ground cover I have chosen for its tiny magical star-shaped flowers that cover it from May through September. So out I go into the fray, starting in April and continuing into May and June, tearing out the clover and the buttercup and the crab grass and the dandelions in order to let the very forgiving blue star creeper and vinca and knick knick a chance to grow and thrive.

My husband laughs at my determination. "It's a losing battle," he says. And he is right. Along about July my enthusiasm for weeding starts to lag. By August I am postively weeded out. All my beliefs about weeding being good therapy, about how meditative and healing it is to get my hands in the dirt wanes. Instead I look out at the chaos that is my yard and have an intense urge to lie down in the hammock and read a book.

The trick is not to look too closely. People walk by and, when they see me in my yard, tell me, "I just love your garden! It makes my heart glad to look at it." These words would inspire me to longer weeding sessions in the early summer. Now I just look up from my book and say, "Thanks".

So the losing battle has been lost. The weeds knew it all along. They have let me come through and tear some of them up, knowing quite well that sooner or later I'd get tired. Each time I came through they bowed to my weeding will and started growing again as soon as I passed by. Their resiliency and ability to forgive my weeding ways was and is boundless.

I never feel so accepted for who I am as when I am weeding in my garden. "Come and play in the dirt," the plants seem to say to me. "We will let you pick who stays and who goes for just this little while. Then we will come back where we will and live in harmony, rose and mugwort, dandelion and hydrangea, fuchsia and buttercup."

We can all learn from the resiliency of weeds. They grow where they can. They allow us to pluck them from the soil. And then they grow again. And again. No judgment. No blame. Perseverance furthers.

In a Nutshell - 29: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• Be open to the unknown ahead, the trail that leads you to true beauty. Or be ready to turn around, care for your child and see her true nature. (Heidi Ahrens)



• Who is it that can make muddy water clear? No one. But left to stand, it will gradually clear of itself. (Lao Tzu)



• The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many' and the word 'ticks' meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. (Larry Hardiman)



• There is no way to peace. Peace is the way. (A. J. Muste)



• Holiness comes wrapped in the ordinary. There are burning bushes all around you. Every tree is full of angels. Hidden beauty is waiting in every crumb. (Macrina Wiederkehr)



• Earth's crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God. (Elizabeth Barrett Browning)



• The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant…and let the air out of the tires. (Dorothy Parker)



• Not knowing when the dawn will come, open every door. (Emily Dickenson)



• I would be the most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough book shelves. (Anna Quindlen)

Transitions by Saralee Sky

We all have so many transitions to navigate during the course of a single day, let alone the changes we must all experience as we live and grow. Some of us move with ease and grace from one transition to another, letting go of what was and embracing what is to come. Some of us fight every change, every letting go and every leap into the unknown until it becomes familiar.

My five year old grandson, Jordan, recently developed a resistance to every transition during his day. When his mother tries to get him ready to come to my house in the mornings so that she can go to work, he is likely to have a tantrum saying that he wants to stay home. When it is time for me to take him to school in the afternoon, he will hide and cry and say he hates school and doesn’t want to go. When it’s time to pick him up from school he will run away from me – sometimes into the parking lot where cars are coming and going – saying he doesn’t want to leave school. And when his mother comes after work to take him home from my house, he will refuse to leave my side. I realize that he has to face a lot of different places each day, but in each place he is loved and cared for and always ends up having a good time, once he relaxes and accepts the transition.

Growth means change, and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown George Shinn

Perhaps for Jordan, each time he leaves whatever safe haven he is in means stepping from the known to the unknown. He must take the leap of faith that Nana’s house will be safe and fun and that school will be safe and fun and that home will be safe and fun, over and over in his young life.

We have all learned not to make a big fuss over it. When he arrives at my house I assess his body language when he first comes in the door. I try to greet him. If he says “No!” and runs to hide, I let him do so and let him come to me. He will eventually come to me and say, “Play with me.” I greet him then and tell him that of course I will play with him after he has had breakfast.

When it is time to go to school and he resists, I tell him, “I know you do not like leaving one place and going to another, but your teacher really likes you and the other children are all looking forward to playing with you. Let’s look on the calendar to see what you will be doing today.” Just acknowledging his fear and his resistance allows him to work through it.

Is it possible to feel safe and scared at the same time? I think so. Perhaps it is the higher self and lower self battling it out. Jordan’s higher self says “You will be safe wherever you are and whoever you are with,” while his lower self says. “I like it fine where I am. I don’t want to go anywhere else, take any risks. Let me stay here where it’s safe and familiar.”

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. Albert Einstein

Seen in this light, it is miracle that Jordan works through his fear and resistance each and every day and takes the leap into the relative unknown of my house, of school and of home again. I must appreciate more just how brave this little boy is as he steps each day into the unknown and lives to tell the tale.

I, too, am facing a transition in my life. I must choose whether to continue on with Babynut, or to let it go and wait to see what comes into my life next. This is not an easy transition for me, but one that I must make soon nevertheless.

Who is it that can make muddy water clear? No one. But left to stand, it will gradually clear of itself. Lao Tzu

I am waiting for the water to clear and for my way to become known. I have enjoyed every step of the journey that is Womb To Grow and Babynut. It has been a labor of love for me. Still, I also need it to stand on its own and grow and flourish. Since it has not become profitable in almost 5 years of operation, I must make the choice to let it go or continue to try to make it work on more than just a personal level. Whatever I choose will be one more transition in my life, one more chance for growth and understanding.

I have reached a point in my life where I understand the pain and the challenges; and my attitude is one of standing up with open arms to meet them all. Myrlie Evers

In a Nutshell - 28: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• One thing is certain: Children need lots of free, quiet time to get used to all that’s developing within them. (Fred Rogers)



• Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. (Bill Cosby)



• None of us is exactly like anyone else, but one thing we have in common is our humanity, our very natural, understandable desire to know that at least somebody,onebody, thinks there’s something special about us, something worth caring about. (Fred Rogers)



• Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them. (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)



• Every time we affirm how special our children are to us for being themselves, we’re helping them grow into adults who rejoice in the diversity of the world’s people. (Fred Rogers)



• Never have children, only grandchildren. (Gore Vidal)



• Help your neighbor’s boat across, and lo! Your own has reached the shore. (Hindu proverb)



• I have reached a point in my life where I understand the pain and the challenges; and my attitude is standing up with open arms to meet them all. (Myrlie Evers)



• When it is dark enough you can see the stars. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)



• A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. (Groucho Marx)

Children Need to Feel Safe by Saralee Sky

Last year my granddaughter, Crystal, went to Kindergarten. Her first day at school was also her first soccer practice, which took place a few hours later at the school's playground. She was already on sensory - or new people and place - overload when we walked across the street from my house to the school to meet her coach and her team mates.

Most of the other girls were taking this first practice in stride, playing on the grass or playground equipment and happily waiting for the instruction to begin. The coach and his assistant each had a little girl on the team. They started the girls playing a chase game and generally getting to know each other. Gradually they stared giving some rudimentary instruction.

Crystal is a child who likes to observe from the sidelines for a while before joining in, but this just didn’t seem to be an option. The other girls listened and responded to what the coach told them to do. But Crystal kept looking over at me and her mother and waving, as she jumped up and down and shot her hands into the air above her head. The coach noticed this jumping behavior and tried to engage Crystal's attention, but she would not/could not listen to him at all. She had no idea what she was supposed to do or where she was supposed to go. She looked happy enough - for a jumping bean.

I particularly noted the way her hands shot into the air above her head, fingers splayed open, as if she was a conduit for some sort of electric charge. I had observed this behavior before when she was excited about something and wanted to get my attention, but never to this extreme. Months later I shared this behavior with my cousin, Marcia, who is a Healing Touch Therapist. She told me that Crystal needed to know she was safe; that when she displayed this behavior she was trying to discharge the extra energy coursing through her body caused by the fear of a new situation and the inability to manage and control her world.

The other girls seemed more at peace with this situation, more able to take in the instruction and practice the new skills being taught. Crystal was just too overwhelmed to take in anything the coach said. Her need to stay on the sidelines was something we should have supported instead of encouraging her to join in and participate with the other girls. I had to struggle with my own need to have her be like everyone else, instead of the unique and special and sensitive child that she was.

Her first game took place on the following Saturday. Crystal and her parents and younger brother, along with two sets of grandparents dutifully reported to the soccer fields. She was dressed in her uniform and very excited to play, until she arrived at the park and saw all the other – 100’s – children there. She had been practicing at her elementary school’s playground. Now she was at the official soccer fields – all 30+ of them. No one had thought to prepare her for the crowds of players and parents and refs and coaches. She looked around and promptly hid in her mother’s lap. No amount of coaxing from her family or her coaches or her team mates would induce her to go out on the field.

We wisely let her stay in her mother’s lap, but we did not leave until the game was over. Now she knew what to expect. The next week we took her to soccer practice at her school as if nothing had happened. She began to participate more, but still was unable to listen to the coach when he would teach the girls to play a certain skill-building game. He learned to get down at her level and talk directly to her over time. When we arrived at the soccer field the next Saturday, she was able to play in the game.

By her third game she actually scored a goal! Her spontaneous celebration – leaping with both hands high in the air over and over – is legendary and unique among all the girls. Her coach says it was “worth the price of admission”. This time the hands in the air seemed to say, “Hurray for me!”

Now we are all more sensitive to Crystal’s own unique needs to feel safe and secure in new situations. My cousin (the Healing Touch Therapist) has taught me to say either directly or telepathically, “You are safe. I will keep you safe. I am here to help and support you." Recently I went to the park with Crystal. She would run around and play on the slide or climbing apparatus, then come running over to stand in front of me. "You are safe," I told her. "I will keep you safe." Then off she would run to play again.

In a Nutshell - 27: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• One good turn usually gets the whole blanket. (E. Joseph Cossman)


• Gratitude is the intention to count your blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances (Timothy Miller)


• You know you’re old when you’ve lost all your marvels. (Merry Browne)


• Growth means change, and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown. (George Shinn)


• Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches. (email from a friend)


• I believe that as a reader myself, that excellent books inspire us to talk to one another and to share our new ideas and questions. (Jenny Rich)


• There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. (Albert Einstein)


• The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. (Henry Walpole)


• Being grateful forces us to stay in the moment, in the NOW, because we must look at our life as it is this moment and feel happy to be alive. (Saralee Sky)