When Too Much Is Really Too Much

Yesterday I accompanied my six year old granddaughter, Crystal, on an all-day field trip with her Kindergarten class. We were all going to Marine Park - a local beach not far from the school. All would have been well, but I had to bring along Jordan, Crystal's four year old brother.

Crystal deeply resented Jordan coming to HER classroom prior to leaving for the trip. She was furious with him for playing with the toy cars while the teacher read them all a book during circle time. She did not want him getting in line or walking with the other kids in the class. The teacher wisely told Crystal she understood how hard it was to share her class with her younger brother, but this sympathy seemed to make Crystal even more upset.

When we all arrived at the beach, a very cold wind was blowing off the water toward the shore. Though it was warm everywhere else, it was cold at the beach. Crystal and Jordan did not have a jacket. Both were dressed for a warm early summer day. Crystal was angry and now she was cold. I gave Crystal my jacket and Jordan the beach towel and tried to get them to walk along the beach and explore tide pools, look for shells, watch the herons, the wind surfer - anything! But nothing would pull Crystal out of her angry, cold misery.

I called my son, Gabe - Crystal's and Jordan's father. I told him to come to the beach as soon as he could and bring jackets. He was 30 minutes away, so in the mean time I tried again to engage them in exploring the tide pools. Jordan was game, but Crystal was not. She followed along, however, because she didn't want to be left behind. We walked down near the water's edge where another parent was lifting rocks up to show the kids what was living beneath them. He lifted one rock and a bunch of hermit crabs stared runing this way and that, some tiny and some not so tiny.

That was it. Crystal became hysterical, wailing, "Nana, Nana, help!"

"They won't hurt you," I said. "See how tiny they are? They won't bite or pinch." But she was beyond reason at this point. She could handle no more surprises, no more cold, no more field trip and no more annoying little brother.

Luckily, soon after this event, her father showed up with warm jackets and her grandfather showed up to take Jordan off for the rest of the day. She huddled in her father's lap and would not talk to me or let me touch her. Gabe stayed through the picnic lunch, which the class ate in the sun sheltered from the wind behind the restroom building. Crystal gradually calmed down and warmed up.

The other children occasionally tried to come over to her and ask her to play, but she would not leave her father's lap. Eventually she consented to eat some lunch. After lunch Gabe left to go to his college class. I told Crystal she could do whatever she wanted. She elected to stay up on the sand far from the water (and the crabs). She made a sand castle and played with a few of the other girls in the class. I considered this a successful end to the field trip and asked the teacher for permission to leave early.

I took Crystal to one of our favorite places - a paint your own ceramics store. We each chose an item to paint. Crystal chose a unicorn and I chose a sugar bowl. We spent the next few hours painting in companionable silence, sharing colors and becoming friends again. Afterwards I took her to the grocery store and bought a cantalope - her favorite fruit. We took it home and she ate half of it, then retreated upstairs to play computer games on her favorite web site, Nick Jr.

She spent a few hours alone, with me checking in on her and sometimes watching her play a game. Jordan came back from his day with his grandfather and all was once again well. I worked hard to repair her day and our relationship. I knew I had pushed her too far with the hermit crabs. I told her that I loved her very much. When her mother came to pick her up that evening, Crystal told her that she had a good day!

I think we both learned from this experience. I learned that I have to respect her space and her moods and her energy flow. And Crystal? Her lessons are her lessons. You'll have to read her blog someday to find out! :)

You can read more of Saralee Sky's articles in her online newsletter, Nutsense, on her web site, www.babynut.com.