In a Nutshell - 2: Pearls of Parenting Wisdom and Humor

• Children don’t have to be concerned about whether they are on earth or in paradise. They just know that they know. (Swami Chidvislananda).
• A successful parent is one who raises a child who grows up and is able to pay for her or his own psychoanalysis. (Nora Ephron)
• On daycare: let your child see that you’re friendly with the caregiver. If you can spend time talking and smiling with each other, then your child sees that you like and trust each other. (Fred Rogers)
• More than in any other human relationship, overwhelmingly more, motherhood means being instantly interruptible, responsive, responsible. (Tillie Olsen)
• Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said! (email from a friend)
• Mealtime hint: Have some fun meals like: leftover night, make your own sandwich, taco or pizza night, breakfast foods for supper. (Fred Rogers)
• Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your children. (email)

Catch Them Being Good by Saralee Sky

When your baby is new – really for the whole first year – nothing he can do is ‘wrong’. No behavior, no matter how nerve-wracking, is in need of correction or discipline. When your baby cries, he is telling you that something is wrong. He is trying to tell you that he’s hungry or wet or tired, – something! It is up to you to learn to read his cues, and understand his different cries. Sound impossible? Don’t worry. It’s really not as hard as you think. Just relax, take a deep breath, and have faith that your baby knows what he needs and will tell you if you listen and trust your connection to him to help you out.

As your baby grows and becomes a toddler, she will begin to test out her new-found freedom by getting into everything she can reach, things she’s been watching for a long time, but was unable to get to. My grandson started crawling in his fifth month. When he finally mastered the art of going forward, he made a beeline for his big sister’s toy box! He’d been watching that box for months! Your baby is not being naughty, just exploring her world. Put safe things on the shelf she can reach or in a cupboard she can open and move unsafe things out of her reach. Then her explorations will be like a treasure hunt.

As your baby approaches 18 months to 2 years old, he will start to define his boundaries, as in, “This is me and this is NOT me.” NO will be heard a lot around your house – and it should be. It is vital that he learn where he stops and the rest of the world starts. This is also the stage when some discipline may be called for. He may start to experiment with hitting or biting, and temper tantrums are just around the corner.

When you need to discipline your child, please remember, her behavior may be ‘bad’, but her motives are pure and so is she. She is only looking for attention or love or understanding – the same things we adults need from those we love. Resist the urge to assign negative or nasty motives to the unpleasant behavior. In fact, ignore the bad behavior as much as possible. This is where the title of the piece comes in: try as much as possible to catch her being good.

In other words, ignore him when he is being bad and pay attention to him and lavish him with praise when he is being good. This sounds simple, but it is actually harder than it sounds. We are programmed to fix what is wrong, and a whiny, fretful kid can definitely disturb your peace. When he’s playing quietly you can go about your own business – read a book, do the laundry, go to the bathroom, whatever. When he’s being bad you stop what you were doing and attend to him. Turning this process around will take a lot of practice.

First determine whether the ‘bad’ behavior is unsafe to your baby or anyone else. If not, ignore it. Don’t even make eye contact. As soon as she stops whining or crying or pushing her food on to the floor, look right at her, smile and say something like, ‘Oh what a good girl you are! I like it so much better when you are a happy, smiling girl.” Or – “Thank you very much for asking me in a nice voice. You have such a sweet voice when you are not whining.”

If the behavior is unsafe, e.g., your toddler is pinching your baby’s cheek really hard, remove his hand, say something like, “No, that hurts the baby.” Say it firmly, but make as little eye contact as possible. When your toddler stops the behavior, take him on to your lap and thank him for being nice to the baby. Now you can also explain more about how pinching hurts, but in a calm, kind voice. See the difference? In time your baby will learn that he gets much more attention for being good than for being ‘bad’ and the not so nice behaviors will disappear.

In a Nutshell -1: Pearls of Wisdom and Humor

• Cleaning the house while the children are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. (Phyllis Diller)
• Children need open-ended toys like blocks, art supplies, little cars and trucks, stuffed animals, and dolls. They can play with those kinds of toys according to whatever is important to them at that moment. After a fire destroyed our home in 1978, my three-year-old son played “Fire on Navarro Ranch” with his fire truck for nine months! (The Mister Rogers Parenting Book and Saralee)
• Children – you spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and be quiet! (email from a friend)
• Being a parent is so overwhelming, you could cry just looking at your child. It’s an overwhelming feeling of love, of wanting to protect him from any pain, any hurt. And the joy! He makes me laugh. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I feel completely fulfilled. (Kelly Preston)
• Adopted children need to know that they were born, just like every other baby in the world. It’s reassuring for them to know they had the same beginnings as everyone else. (The Mister Rogers Parenting Book)
• Babies are competent individuals who have their own agendas and should be treated with respect. (Ruth Mason)

Shifts, Changes and Moving On by Saralee Sky

In the words of the great Joseph Campbell: “We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

In that spirit, and with some trepidation and heaviness of heart, I have decided to close Babynut/Womb To Grow down by the end of March, 2010. I have enjoyed so much making this small gesture to the Universe. It has been a huge focal point for me and a way for me to reach out to mothers and babies and offer love, support, information and healthy products. I have no idea what I will do next. I guess I will just have to see what is waiting for me.

Taking this leap of faith and shutting down Babynut reminds me of the first time I discovered I was pregnant in 1975. I did not plan this pregnancy. I was unprepared for it and completely surprised. But some inner place of knowing spoke inside of me and said, “You can do this.” And so I did. My son Joseph Ananda is 34 now and expecting his own first child in August. I let go of the life I had planned and walked into the life that was waiting for me.

In 1987 I attended my 20th high school reunion. It was the first – and the last – reunion I had ever attended. While there I renewed my friendship with my old high school beau, Nunzio. He was a chiropractor and living in West Virginia. He invited me to come and see what he was creating in a little town called Summersville. I did eventually visit Summersville, where I was totally miserable for the entire visit. Again that inner voice said, “You can do this.” In April of 1988, my family and I moved to Summersville from Sebastopol, California(!), and I became a therapist for abused and neglected children. I let go of the life I had planned and walked into the life that was waiting for me.

In April of 2003, my second grandchild, Jordan Gabriel, was born. I had been working full-time as the director of a Camp Fire USA Council, and also helping to take care of Jordan’s older sister, Crystal. Jordan’s birth called out to me as an opportunity to stay at home with him for a few months. I resigned from Camp Fire with the idea of spending the summer at home and looking for a job in September. During the months from April to November, Womb To Grow/Babynut was born. I let go of the life I planned and walked into the life that was waiting for me.

And so here I am again; letting go, wondering where it will lead. I have loved (almost) every minute of my time as Babynut’s owner/manager. I hope that I have been able to provide healthy products, help and inspiration to my customers and readers. I wish us all love and shalom and we walk into the life that is waiting for us.